Nobody told me this. It just makes sense that alcohol and liver mets don't make a good mix. So in general, I don't drink at all any more.
But when I got the news I would be starting Afinitor, I decided to allow myself a bit of wine for one evening. Afinitor handouts specifically say that alcohol can interfere with its effectiveness. And, well, it also causes blisters on the inside of your mouth. Also not a good combo with alcohol.
So I allowed myself the wine and a self-indulgent maudlin blog post. A final celebration.
When I got the news that my insurance had denied my oncologist's request to start Afinitor, I decided to take it as an excuse to allow myself another drink-reward -- a bit of carmel apple vodka in my apple-spice tea.
Spiked cider in hand, I settled down to my computer and CHOSE to check my hospital MyChart portal. I saw a note from Dr. Wahl asking about the Afinitor status. Cue in long maudlin self-indulgent note to HER, a bunch of "bring-on-the-chemo-I'm-ready-to-fight-harder-please-help-me-see-my-kids-grow-up" blather.
Variable emotional weather, alcohol and computers are a DANGEROUS MIX.
I've been thinking about the work these professionals do at the Swedish Cancer Institute.
We are a bunch of fucked up emotional nutjobs at times. Understandably so.
These people aren't just healers. They are harbors, shielding us from a few of the waves we create with our emotional winds.
In response to my please-ignore-that-previous-note-I-see-my-therapist-tomorrow-note, Dr. Wahl wrote:
Hard to ignore that. It's a roller coaster, no doubt. Pace yourself Suzy - this is a marathon not a sprint. I know that you can handle chemotherapy if you need it and I have no aversion to prescribing it if I think it's the right thing. But I'm not there yet.
Hang in there.
What a PERFECT response.
On the emotional intelligence scale, this woman is a genius.
Let go. Trust me. Hang in there. Walk the marathon.
And enjoy the scenery.
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