I ordered my chemo hats and they arrived a mere two days later. When I tuck my hair all back for the bald effect, they actually still look quite nice. They are nice and soft too, so they should feel good on a freshly bald head.
I've been wearing eye make up for a whole week now. I found some paint by numbers eye shadow. Seriously! The box shows me where to put color 1 on my lid, where to color 2, 3 and 4. Then I dot a bit of eyeliner on to provide an impression of eye lashes.
I don't think I'm worried about being bald for six-seven months. But still, Francois' suggestion tonight that I ask a friend to shave off my hair when 'its time' made my lips curl back involuntarily -- you know, that tight gaggy feeling you get around your throat, eyes and mouth when you're cleaning up someone else's vomit? It felt like such an act would be as much an invasion as wiping my butt for me after a crap.
God! Get a load of me?! What an intense response!
So is my head of hair like some darth vader mask? My reaction brings to mind that scene in Star Wars VI where we get to glimpse the old Darth Vader in his pod, having his mask settled on to his head.
I'm going to have to think about this one a bit.
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2 comments:
Hi Suzy:
I fully support my brother's recommendation to have your hair cut prior to chemo, it will avoid the difficult phase when you loose progressively your hair.
Yesterday I did the Brussels Breast Cancer Run (10km) thinking a lot about you.
Hugs
jerome
Yeah -- I'll do that. But maybe I'll shave it myself or go to a salon. The idea of having a neighbor or friend do it is just too icky. I think it's that I don't want to hear what anyone else thinks until I get a chance to reflect a bit on what I think and feel -- and especially my friends, who will probably try too hard to support me and end up angering me.
On the other hand, maybe I'll get over myself before I need to shave my hair. Maybe I'll have a small party and go to a salon with a henna artist. I can have my hair shaved and have her design a nice henna tatto on my new head. I might be able to deal with that.
It's kind of like at the beginning, while we were still undergoing staging -- when I didn't want people's sympathy. I don't like people right there, in my emotional space, when I don't know what's going to happen in that emotional space. After I know, heck, I'll invite plenty of people into my emotional space.
Hooray for you and the run! I must have felt some connection because I bought a very large bag of pistachios at Costco for Martin! I've got some Halloween packages ready for mailing.
hugs back to you -
Suzy
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