National Coming Out Day

I live as a heterosexual woman and so, when I 'come out' I guess I'm coming out as an 'ally'. But the joy I experience in this new freedom I've been given for identity formation has reminded me that there's a lot more I could share in support of the diverse people who are my friends, colleagues and family members -- because I'm part of that diversity.

So, coming out:

Sexual Orientation: theoretical bisexual

Gender Identity: masculine female/femme male

I have had the dumb luck of never really feeling the need to go outside my relationship with my life-partner for, well, a myriad of things. Part of that dumb luck is linked to the fact he is who he is and I am who I am. That seems to work really well for us. (It helps that he has always been very sexually confident and competent. He's strong and flexible --physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.)

That doesn't mean I don't notice who I'm attracted to -- and that I don't enjoy those attractions -- on a strictly imaginative level.

I'm a theoretical bisexual.

I'm basically attracted to most of the people I work with. I have had the privilege of following my passions professionally. So I'm constantly surrounded by the kind of smart, perceptive, insightful people I find exciting, interesting and attractive. Compellingly attractive.

But every once in awhile, there's that person who pulls at you in a way that reaches down and tugs hard at that core place where admiration, sexuality, personality, and respect intersect.

Not counting my life-partner -- 5 people so far -- two women and three men.

Theoretical bisexual.

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My internal gender identity feels so at HOME in this new body. I now LOOK like I FEEL inside.

I've been talking about the whole reconstruction option as if it were a practical matter of pain and inconvenience (It is, to some extent). I've been talking about it as if it were a decision about perceived social roles (It is, to a great extent. Boobs are socially significant.). I have talked about how this decision must be harder for some/other women because their breasts are more a part of their identity --

But I think my attitude has been a bit condescending and flippant. I've congratulated myself somehow for being 'stronger' than women who might care deeply about such an invasion on their selfhood.

Having a key piece of your sexual/gendered body removed should be disturbing. It should feel violent and invasive because it is.

I'm just lucky to be experiencing something that affirms and opens up my sense of self as a masculine female/femme male.

I feel freed. It's a joyful process for me.

And that realization helps me feel a new kind of concern and empathy for women who have to endure this process as a mutilation of their gender identities. For anyone who has to endure social or physical invasive interventions or restrictions that impact sexual or gender identity.

OK, it's hokey, but I feel like ending this with a cheer --

Let's work towards ending the debilitating constriction of selfhoods in our society by supporting National Coming Out Day!!