Ogling Women's Breasts

MAYBE having BREAST CANCER makes me invisible.

Or at least, that's what my self has suddenly decided to believe.

If you've ever travelled to another country and felt that complete outsiderness that allows you to freely and openly stare at anyone and everyone around you, you know that invisibility sense I'm talking about.

So Suzy the invisible maybe-has-breast-cancer woman is staring at the chest of every woman she sees at Samena Swim Club. Are they real? Are they really there? I'm, seriously, you gotta roll your eyes at this, leaning over and looking down women's cleavages!!

The last two times I went to the (cue in lacy flowers and soft caring music here) Breast Center (continue soft femine sound effects) and they couldn't find anything suspicious, I googled the death out of 'single duct bleeding nipple'. I learned all about DCIS and pondered whether, even if they could find evidence of it, I would choose to do any kind of preventative surgery.

I've always had flat chest envy. What chesty girl HASN'T fantasized about running freely in nothing more than a tank top?? I have running bras I've special ordered from a woman in Montana. There are 24 eye hooks running up the front of what is, honestly, really a sleeveless straightjacket. Even with this intense support, after 5 miles, the chafing starts to do serious damage to my skin. The problem is, hopping and flopping freely in the wind isn't any better. Take a balloon and fill it partly with water. Knot it. Hang on to the knot and spin the water balloon around your head. Feel the force of that water trying to escape that balloon? That's running with the big ones.

So anyway, a quick google of mastectomy images cures that envy and fast. Those images inspired the consumption of a full bottle of wine before bed that night.

My friend is telling me all about her aunt or gramma or friend or friend's mother or someone who had a mastectomy and reconstruction "and you can hardly tell the difference!"

Yeah.

Well. Hmmmm. Her breast tissue, including nipple, has been removed and replaced with a lump of nerveless fat or silicone and a tattoo.

You can hardly tell the difference?

I bet she can.

Women are so fucked up.