Realizations of 10-Year Olds

Paul's been crying a bit and asking for a cuddle at bedtime every once in a while for a few months now.  He has had a few nightmares.   When I made the reservations for Hawaii shortly after being diagnosed, he had a dream that he was on a Hawaiian island with his 'tribe', his friends from school.   In the dream, a boy he is friends with at school, whose mom has just finished treatment for a very serious breast cancer, was swimming in the ocean and was attacked by a shark.  Paul awoke screaming because he knew the shark was going to attack him next.


Last night, through his bedtime tears, Paul shared that he was afraid I was going to die.  I cuddled him and held him close and told him I had those fears sometimes, too.  And so did Papa.  He sobbed, asking if that meant I WAS going to die.  I told him maybe and that we don't know when -but that I do know my oncologist said it would not be this year.  I also promised that I would tell him if that changed.

There was something honest, and clean and open about this.  He cried and I held him and the sadness boiled up and out and floated away.

And today we are happy.